Naked

When  I was younger I had a recurring dream. I would be sitting in class and I would suddenly be overcome with fear. I would break out in a cold sweat and my eyes would fill with tears. I  would realize that I was naked. I had gone to school naked on accident. It was the absolute worst feeling ever. No embarrassment could top it. That recurring dream lasted almost until high school and best I can remember I think it was my first experience with shame. It wasn't real shame. I never actually went to school naked but the feeling was real. The way shame felt was real. When God made Adam and Eve and put them in the garden, it says they were "naked and unashamed". I suppose that's the way naked was meant to feel - shameless. It doesn't though. Not anymore. When your clothes are off you are exposed. The good. The bad. And the ugly. I have a singer/song writer friend. He says he can't stand singing in front of people without his guitar. He says the guitar gives him confidence when he's good and hides him when he's not. I don't sing or play the guitar in front of people, but I do hold onto things to feel confident. I do hide behind things. I do hold things out in front to keep from possibly feeling ashamed. To keep from really being known. Because people might see something they don't like. People might see the things you don't like about you. Or the things I don't like about me. Being seen is scary. It's vulnerable. It's naked.


It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus.  Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.  John 13: 1-5


As if it wasn't enough that he took of his Godly outer clothing to come and live among us. As if it wasn't enough that perfection himself stepped out of his Holy robe and put on skin. He goes even further. He now takes off his human clothing. Abandons his rights. His entitlements. Leaves his dignity and steps into humility. The God who breathed life into our noses. The Dreamer who dreamed us. The Beginning. Jesus. Undressing. He becomes the least in the room. The smallest. Under his robe, he would have been wearing a tunic. In this modest culture, a tunic was as good as naked. It was the lowest dressing someone could wear. It's what servants wore when they washed their master's feet. It was as if he was saying, I want you to really see me. And I want you to see where I am. Undressed. On the floor. Kneeling in mud and spilled water. If we want to see God we are going to have to start looking underneath things. Because he's lower than we'd imagine. And he's smaller than we'd like him to be. And he's quieter than we'd think. God is in the mess. He's at the bottom of things. Maybe that's why he says we're blessed when we are at the end of our rope. Blessed when we are at rock bottom. At our lowest. We are blessed there, because he's there. Waiting on us to remove the things we've covered up with. Waiting on us to loosen our belts and drop our egos. And our entitlements. And our money. And our power. And our fame. Sometimes we do this on our own. Most of the time life knocks our clothes off for us. The hard part is seeing that as a gift. Seeing that we didn't really need our outer garments the way we thought we did. We didn't need our guitar after all. What we really wanted all along was to just be seen. To be known. To be seen by the Dreamer and to realize that beneath all our jackets we are the beloved after all. There is nothing I want more than to be really known and really loved. He is knowing more of me these days. If only I can keep from putting my clothes back on...