Separation

Holy Saturday
Silent Saturday
A terrible silence
The silence of separation.

A daughter
sprawled across a motel bed
thinking of the clean sheets
in her parents home.
Would they have me back?

A man
perched behind his desk
considering the distance from the 18 floor
to the pavement.
Could she take me back?

A mom
standing outside his bedroom door
remembering when her affection was
all he knew.
Will he want to come back?

A boy
lying in a ditch, deployment near end
daydreaming of the cheers
as he walks down the airplane steps.
Do they need me back?

Holy Saturday
Silent Saturday
endured that separation would not be
my stories name.

Separation He lived that our
separation could die.

Jesus

Pilate gave the crowd what it wanted     -Mark 15:15

Naked

When  I was younger I had a recurring dream. I would be sitting in class and I would suddenly be overcome with fear. I would break out in a cold sweat and my eyes would fill with tears. I  would realize that I was naked. I had gone to school naked on accident. It was the absolute worst feeling ever. No embarrassment could top it. That recurring dream lasted almost until high school and best I can remember I think it was my first experience with shame. It wasn't real shame. I never actually went to school naked but the feeling was real. The way shame felt was real. When God made Adam and Eve and put them in the garden, it says they were "naked and unashamed". I suppose that's the way naked was meant to feel - shameless. It doesn't though. Not anymore. When your clothes are off you are exposed. The good. The bad. And the ugly. I have a singer/song writer friend. He says he can't stand singing in front of people without his guitar. He says the guitar gives him confidence when he's good and hides him when he's not. I don't sing or play the guitar in front of people, but I do hold onto things to feel confident. I do hide behind things. I do hold things out in front to keep from possibly feeling ashamed. To keep from really being known. Because people might see something they don't like. People might see the things you don't like about you. Or the things I don't like about me. Being seen is scary. It's vulnerable. It's naked.


It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus.  Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.  John 13: 1-5


As if it wasn't enough that he took of his Godly outer clothing to come and live among us. As if it wasn't enough that perfection himself stepped out of his Holy robe and put on skin. He goes even further. He now takes off his human clothing. Abandons his rights. His entitlements. Leaves his dignity and steps into humility. The God who breathed life into our noses. The Dreamer who dreamed us. The Beginning. Jesus. Undressing. He becomes the least in the room. The smallest. Under his robe, he would have been wearing a tunic. In this modest culture, a tunic was as good as naked. It was the lowest dressing someone could wear. It's what servants wore when they washed their master's feet. It was as if he was saying, I want you to really see me. And I want you to see where I am. Undressed. On the floor. Kneeling in mud and spilled water. If we want to see God we are going to have to start looking underneath things. Because he's lower than we'd imagine. And he's smaller than we'd like him to be. And he's quieter than we'd think. God is in the mess. He's at the bottom of things. Maybe that's why he says we're blessed when we are at the end of our rope. Blessed when we are at rock bottom. At our lowest. We are blessed there, because he's there. Waiting on us to remove the things we've covered up with. Waiting on us to loosen our belts and drop our egos. And our entitlements. And our money. And our power. And our fame. Sometimes we do this on our own. Most of the time life knocks our clothes off for us. The hard part is seeing that as a gift. Seeing that we didn't really need our outer garments the way we thought we did. We didn't need our guitar after all. What we really wanted all along was to just be seen. To be known. To be seen by the Dreamer and to realize that beneath all our jackets we are the beloved after all. There is nothing I want more than to be really known and really loved. He is knowing more of me these days. If only I can keep from putting my clothes back on...

Ed Dobson

The link below will take you to a beautiful 10 minute video. It spoke to places deep within me. If you want to watch, don't do so while you're busy. Don't watch this on your phone. Find a computer and shut your door. It's way to good to be cheapened by hurry.   Enjoy


http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/18/tending-the-garden-one-person-at-a-time/


"My garden today is meeting with individual people and helping them in their journey" -Ed Dobson

The old man

I see the old man

Do you see him?

He needs no praise
no applause
no fame.

He is so present
so slow
so simple.

He tills his ground
walks his path.

He is last.
Small.
Forgotten.

He scares me
because he doesn't need me.

Small

I want to be big.
No, I want to be small.
Big again.
Small.

I want to become bigger
to magnify
to grow. No

I want to become smaller
to decrease
to descend.

Yes. Smaller is what I desire.

Smaller is where I'm going
being taken.

Broken
into smaller pieces.

Smaller pieces to be shared
To be given.

New

I got an iPhone. It has been quite an experience getting used to it. For starters, it doesn’t flip open. None the less, this purchase has caused me to enter the world of apps. I thought it was as easy as searching for what you need and clicking install. If it were only that simple. Apps have a store. Like groceries or shoes. The store has them divided by category. For every app category there are hundreds of options. If you’ve made it this far and you’ve actually found an app, then you have to make a decision. Purchase or not? Worth it or not? You make this decision based on the “reviews”. The review is the opinion of the last person who tried it out. Fewer people leave good reviews. For some reason we are more likely to take the time to comment on something when it has disappointed us. The review let’s you know whether or not the app is worth the cost. An app is only as good as it’s last review. The last review is the one everyone sees. As I was making my way through this insanity that is technology I found myself conflicted internally. I think I was actually feeling sorry for the app. The “bad review” is like the scarlet letter of the app store. OR maybe I was just moved to something deeper. Life is full of reviews. It’s hard to not feel  like you’re only as good as your last review. Your last game. You’re last weight on the scale. You’re last pant size. Your last relationship. Your last try. Your last loss. Your last look in the mirror. Your last broken promise. Your last attempt. Your last lie. Your last score. Your last disappointment. Your last “not enough”. Your last…

While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.   Luke 5:12-13

He’s not just a leper. He’s a person. Who was a kid once. Who had dreams. And one day all of those dreams changed. And he ended up alone and on the outside. He actually wasn’t supposed to be in town. He's supposed to live outside with the other outsiders. The rule was, if you must come to town, you had to ring a bell and call out “UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN”. This would give everyone the needed time to get out of your way. So your disease didn’t rub off on them. This time was different. As he rang his bell and called out his terrible name, “UNCLEAN”. Someone didn’t run. Jesus. I wonder if he knew what Jesus looked like or if he just recognized Jesus because He was the only person who didn’t get out the way. He sees him. Then the perfect and the imperfect come face to face. Then face to feet. And the perfect reaches out and touches the imperfect. “Be clean!”. Katharizo in greek. It means new. Jesus say’s, “Be New!”  I can’t help but wonder how different this trip to town was than his last… than his last review. Than the last time he broke the rules looking for love. It’s almost as if Jesus was telling him he’s worth it… regardless of his last review. Maybe that’s how we all become new. By finding out we’re worth it by coming in contact with the perfect.

It’s hard to not feel like you’re only as good as your last review.